Hooked Up 4 Life

Filed Under Gay Dating, Gay Marriage, Life, Relationships | August 19th, 2008 

9th Anniversary -- Hooked Up 4 LifeRecently I’ve been thinking a lot about how my partner Ian and I met and ‘hooked up 4 life’. For starters, we just celebrated our 9th anniversary a couple of months ago.

A friend of ours from Seattle is also due to make his annual visit and catch up with what we’ve all been up to. Said nameless friend was instrumental in helping to bring my partner and me together. Another thing that was instrumental in bringing us together was a certain gay hookup site. No, it’s not the hookup site that has been making the news lately. In fact, the hookup site in question doesn’t even exist anymore; it got bought up years ago by one of the big online matchmaking companies.

I’ve actually written about various aspects of this story a few times over at my Gay Dating Tips site a few times. I’ve also written at that site about the effectiveness of online dating as well as some of the pitfalls. It’s quite true, that hookup sites are havens for hooking up online for a virtual quickie and that they’re also a place to hookup for some live quickies. But they can also be places for finding a longer term relationship. I know this for a fact because it happened to me nine years ago and we’re still together.

I still find it incredible at how powerful my little online personals ad was. It’s brought about a lot of life changing events and milestones.

A little over nine years ago, I was a very closeted gay man who was afraid of his own gay shadow for the most part. I had also just ended a long distance relationship with a guy in another country.
For a month or so I was despondent. Where to go from here? Was I really gay? Would I ever find the right man? How many more secret short term relationships would I have before I found someone that I could share my life with? It was a real soul searching time for me.

One night, I’d had just enough mopping around from myself. No more! I was indeed gay and I was going to get myself a decent man once and for all because I deserve a little happiness too!

I was a Fag on a mission! I went to one of the gay search engines to find out where the gay matchmaking sites were at and clicked on the first banner ad that I came across.

I did a quick search on the dating site – I immediately knew that yes, this was the place that I had to join and this was where I was going to meet my future companion. That was an odd but happy feeling.

The other thought that was racing through my mind at that point was – so many gay men in one cyberspace! It was sensory overload, but I had a job to do. If you’ve tried out a few of the matchmaking places on the web, you’ll know that when you sign up there’s a rather long form to fill out. So, I set to it.

Skip forward a few weeks later… I had indeed met a number of men, conversed with some and even went out with a couple of them. But, so far I hadn’t found the one that I was looking for.

And then one day, a gentleman from Seattle e-mailed me. Basically he said that he was cruising through the personal ads and came across mine. Based on what I had written, I really should contact this photographer friend of his who happened to live in the same city as I did.

So, I phoned the guy and got together for coffee with this wonderful and very reluctant man… A few weeks later he asked me to move in. I said yes, and I moved in with my new found love. Yes, it was a quick decision on our part! Seems to me there’s a joke about how quick gay men move in together…

Nine years later, we’re still together. No it hasn’t been smooth sailing all the way. Forget the fairy tales, relationships require work and compromises.

Nine years later, I’m “Out”. Yes, my mom and dad know. And yes, the man who goes to all of the family holidays and parties with me is not “just a friend” – we’re partners.

Nine years later, I’ve met all kinds of really neat people that I wouldn’t have otherwise.

Nine years later, I’ve created several websites that are doing pretty good and I’ve quit my old job.

And it all came about because one night I decided that I was worth it. The important thing when it comes to husband or boyfriend hunting is to try all the tools that are available. You never know just what will happen unless you take the first step…